Greetings, fellow armpit lovers! At the time of this writing, it's June, a.k.a. PRIDE month, and a popular month for weddings.
[PLEASE NOTE: I am not a counselor nor a therapist. The follow blog entry merely contains MY views on MY life, specifically observations about MY actions and inactions.]
Well, recently I've been reflecting on my life, and I realized, "Heck, I should have come out as an armpit lover to my sweetheart years ago, before we fell deeply in love, and prior to me asking him to marry me."
Instead, what did I do? I just kept silently wishing, hoping and praying, "Please, have Sweetie like pits! Please, have Sweetie like pits!"
If I'd just come clean at the beginning, it would have prevented soooooo much heartache and frustration for the both of us.
When Sweetie and I first met, I'd been through several years of rather bad relationships. You see, I entered into those unions blindly,... mostly for companionship, along with the need for some regular hanky-panky, without seeming like a trollop.
Fed up with my rotten choices, I bought several books on dating. I studied them diligently! Many of those self-help tomes were for gay guys looking for healthy, loving relationships. I carried them in my backpack everywhere I went. I read them during my lunch breaks at the food court, at coffee shops, at home before bedtime. Why, I was turning into quite the relationship expert.
So, before Sweetie and I got too serious, I came up with a plan to ensure we would have a fair shot at a successful coupling.
I had the idea that we should each write down a list of what we wanted in a boyfriend. Kind of a "must have" list. Much to my surprise and delight, he agreed to the assignment!
That weekend we met at our favorite little restaurant and presented our lists to one another.
We were both serious about finding out if we were a perfect fit romantically, so we agreed to answer honestly.
My list had such determinants as:
- Must have a good relationship with his mother.
- Must be kind to waitstaff.
- Not a thief.
- Not an alcoholic or drug addict.
However, there were 2 super important traits I left off my list:
- Will gladly allow me to make love to his pits.
- Will gladly make love to my pits.
Of course, if I had included those 2 "must haves" he probably would have asked the waiter for separate checks, and ended our budding relationship that evening. (He thinks armpits are gross.)
Instead, we left the restaurant that night, convinced that we were on the perfect path to a perfect, healthy relationship!
Fast forward to several years later, and it's quite a different story. And the main culprit? My strong desire for armpit passion and his strong opposition to it.
Oh, how I wish at least one of those many dating manuals would have had a chapter on coming out as an armpit lover to your potential life partner.
You know, we were very comfortable discussing our health status with each other. In fact, THAT was easy,... and every potential couple SHOULD have that talk.
Coming out as being wild about men's underarms seems to be way harder. Compare it to saying, "I love to play with a man's 'joystick' "! That's super easy, 'cause let's face it, if you're gay, it's a given.
Maybe the thing to do is play a game of NEVER HAVE I EVER! Or better yet, an in-depth game of 21 QUESTIONS!
It could be as simple as first asking...
"Coke or Pepsi?"
"Vanilla or Chocolate?"
"DC or Marvel?"
Next, the questions might move to a more adult subject, such as...
"French kiss or closed lips when smooching?"
"Top or bottom?"
"Smooth or hairy pits?"
Then casually inquire...
"Do you prefer to lick a guy's armpit or would you rather he lick yours instead?"
Yup, it could and should be that straightforward. --- Dang, I should have asked.
Back in the day, being gaga over men's underarms wasn't a popular thing. Not in my gay circles, nor in gay romance films, or popular printed publications.
Even now, it's cumbersome trying to find a pit pic on social media, especially on TWITTER! You first have to scroll through soooo many other fetishes.
It seems you have to circumnavigate hundreds of still shots devoted to feet,...
Thousands of photos of "peach" cracks,...
Millions of video clips featuring dudes eating other dude's juicy peaches,...
...before you can get to a single photo of a hot guy showing off his armpit.
Happily, the number of armpit selfies increase during the hot, summer months! 😍
I'm pretty sure the biggest obstacle to me NOT bringing up the subject of my passion for pits was because I didn't know it was an accepted practice, much less a popular one all around the world. --- Who knew!?
Heck, in hindsight, we should have had the armpit talk on our first date, then once again on our second to be sure.
Definitely BEFORE we got physically intimate with each other.
Hmmm, maybe the topic should have also come up during my proposal of marriage!
"Darling,... will you marry me, and join me in committing to pleasing each other's pits?"
Would it have been too much to include in the actual wedding vows?
LADY JUDGE: "Do you promise to LOVE, HONOR, and PROVIDE PIT PASSION, till death do you part?"
Well, I don't know about how appropriate it might have been to include that bit in front of family, friends and the justice of the peace! But hey, maybe then Sweetie and I wouldn't be in such a sexual rut today if we did!
And we could live into old age, happily-ever-after,... and with happy armpits!
Yes young readers, you're never too old for pit passion.
All guys, from young to old (from Twinks to Twunks to Daddies) everyone needs some special lovin' in their favorite "private places"!
In conclusion, what's the moral of this story, kids? It's simple:
If you love armpits, find someone who loves armpits too!
So, before you say "I do!", ask him: "Do you have a passion for pits?" Otherwise you'll spend your weekends brokenhearted and bitter,... blogging about your unquenched thirst for men's underarms.
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(Images used for this blog entry were all found online.)
Lastly, I'd love for us to keep in touch!
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| Hanging on the wall are the Progress Pride and Armpit Fetish Flags. |
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