[NOTE: This blog entry was originally published on February, 23, 2019.]
oxter /ˈäkstər/ a person's armpit
(noun SCOTTISH•NORTHERN•ENGLISH,
plural noun: oxters)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Greetings, lovers of armpits and cinema! This weekend, the 91st OSCARS Awards Ceremony will be held in Los Angeles, California. Sure, I'm curious to see who wins, however, what interests me the most are the underarms of those sexy, male nominees. --- I'm sure I'm not alone.
If I were to one day present my own awards show in Hollywood, I would host the OXTERS, a ceremony bestowing golden statuettes to the outstanding armpits of the contenders for best male actor in a film.
The night of the star-studded event, each nominated actor would have to walk on stage, take off his shirt, then place his hands behind his head, revealing his pits for all to admire.
Audience members would vote with their rousing applause and approving whistles. --- A boy can dream, can't he?
But first, just imagine what the red carpet interviews would be like! I'd want fashion guru Carson Kressley, of television's QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY fame, to interview the hunky arrivals.
CARSON KRESSLEY: "Action star, Vin Diesel! Who are you wearing?"
MR. DIESEL: "Right Guard Xtreme Antiperspirant!"
CARSON KRESSLEY: "And here comes actor, producer, businessman, model, rapper, songwriter and exercise enthusiast, Mark Wahlberg! Why Marky Mark, you're simply glowing!"
MR. WAHLBERG: "Yo, I just came straight from the gym, where I was filming yet another workout to post on YouTube for my adoring fans."
CARSON KRESSLEY: "Oh my, how exciting! And what deodorant are you wearing this evening?"
MR. WAHLBERG: "Yo,I never wear the stuff. Don't believe me?" [He raises his arms over his head.] "Just come closer and check it out for yourself."
CARSON KRESSLEY: [To the camera.] "Aaaaaa, let's cut to a commercial break. I'm about to get busy with a very in dept, One-on-One interview!"
Well, I'm sure an event like the OXTERS would be "Must See TV" for pit lovers all around the world! --- With repeat viewings.
So now, without further ado, here's a sneak peek at what you might see at my fantasy awards show:
And the OXTER goes to,... Bradley Cooper!!! [APPLAUSE!] No doubt, "starry eyed, fantasies are born" at the sight of those furry, manly pits!
Of course, another category I'm wildly interested in, is the outstanding oxters of the actors in a supporting role. After all, "there are no small pits." 😊
It's a close one folks, but the OXTER is awarded to Sam Elliot for his macho, comb-able underarm hair! [APPLAUSE!]
Man, oh man, those babies are almost as fuzzy as his mustache! The hairy pit strands, growing from his hunky hollows are to a pit lover like yarn to a frisky, kitty cat!
Well folks, I wish we could all gather together this weekend for an OXTERS party. I'm sure we'd have fabulous fun! Especially since I'm never strict with dress codes for my soirees. Bow ties and shirts are always optional.
So armpit fans, do you agree with my choices? Leave a comment below with your favorites.
For official Academy Awards information on all of this year's nominees, visit: Oscar Nominees . --- Simply click on the yellow link.
(Collage pics, gifs and photographs used for this blog entry were all found online.)
If I were to one day present my own awards show in Hollywood, I would host the OXTERS, a ceremony bestowing golden statuettes to the outstanding armpits of the contenders for best male actor in a film.
The night of the star-studded event, each nominated actor would have to walk on stage, take off his shirt, then place his hands behind his head, revealing his pits for all to admire.
Audience members would vote with their rousing applause and approving whistles. --- A boy can dream, can't he?
But first, just imagine what the red carpet interviews would be like! I'd want fashion guru Carson Kressley, of television's QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY fame, to interview the hunky arrivals.
CARSON KRESSLEY: "Action star, Vin Diesel! Who are you wearing?"
MR. DIESEL: "Right Guard Xtreme Antiperspirant!"
CARSON KRESSLEY: "And here comes actor, producer, businessman, model, rapper, songwriter and exercise enthusiast, Mark Wahlberg! Why Marky Mark, you're simply glowing!"
MR. WAHLBERG: "Yo, I just came straight from the gym, where I was filming yet another workout to post on YouTube for my adoring fans."
CARSON KRESSLEY: "Oh my, how exciting! And what deodorant are you wearing this evening?"
MR. WAHLBERG: "Yo,I never wear the stuff. Don't believe me?" [He raises his arms over his head.] "Just come closer and check it out for yourself."
CARSON KRESSLEY: [To the camera.] "Aaaaaa, let's cut to a commercial break. I'm about to get busy with a very in dept, One-on-One interview!"
Well, I'm sure an event like the OXTERS would be "Must See TV" for pit lovers all around the world! --- With repeat viewings.
So now, without further ado, here's a sneak peek at what you might see at my fantasy awards show:
PRESENTING, THE OXTERS OF THIS YEAR'S
NOMINEES FOR ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
NOMINEES FOR ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
 |
| Christian Bale |
 |
| Bradley Cooper |
 |
| Willem Dafoe |
 |
| Rami Malek |
 |
| Viggo Mortensen (left) |
And the OXTER goes to,... Bradley Cooper!!! [APPLAUSE!] No doubt, "starry eyed, fantasies are born" at the sight of those furry, manly pits!
|
| Bradley Cooper |
Of course, another category I'm wildly interested in, is the outstanding oxters of the actors in a supporting role. After all, "there are no small pits." 😊
AND NOW, MAY I PRESENT,...
THE OXTERS OF THIS YEAR'S NOMINEES
FOR ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
FOR ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
 |
| Mahershala Ali |
 |
| Sam Elliot |
 |
| Richard E. Grant (Sorry, no armpit pic submitted.) |
 |
| Sam Rockwell |
 |
| Adam Driver |
It's a close one folks, but the OXTER is awarded to Sam Elliot for his macho, comb-able underarm hair! [APPLAUSE!]
|
| Sam Elliot |
Man, oh man, those babies are almost as fuzzy as his mustache! The hairy pit strands, growing from his hunky hollows are to a pit lover like yarn to a frisky, kitty cat!
Well folks, I wish we could all gather together this weekend for an OXTERS party. I'm sure we'd have fabulous fun! Especially since I'm never strict with dress codes for my soirees. Bow ties and shirts are always optional.
So armpit fans, do you agree with my choices? Leave a comment below with your favorites.
For official Academy Awards information on all of this year's nominees, visit: Oscar Nominees . --- Simply click on the yellow link.
(Collage pics, gifs and photographs used for this blog entry were all found online.)
Lastly, I'd love for us to keep in touch!
Please follow my Armpit Lover blog, here on Blogger @Confessions Of An Armpit Lover . --- Click the follow button on this page to keep up with the latest postings.
Plus, to connect with me regularly through my social media sites, or send a tip via PayPal, visit my all-in-one link page on Willow: @enriquehenry100 .
NOTE: Just click on the yellow link.
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