Page 249 - The Secret Pit Club for Married Men

Greetings, fellow armpit lovers!  I have yet another confession to make.

As many of you know, my sweetie is NOT into pit play, which brings me great disappointment.  We've been together for years, and are very much in love.  But sadly, I simply cannot convince him to embrace my favorite fetish.

Well, after yet another night of feeling less than sexually fulfilled, I began to fantasize about a solution to my problem.

Maybe some kind of club for married men who share my  pit-related frustrations.  I could call it THE SECRET PIT CLUB FOR MARRIED MEN!  It would be a place where guys like me could... "help a buddy out"!  ---  Wow, just imagine!

Now as with all clubs, our special association would need some ground rules, especially since everyone would be married.  So, I stayed up late into the wee ours of the morning, and came up with some important guidelines for us to follow.  Allow me to please share them with you.

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30 RULES FOR

THE SECRET PIT CLUB FOR MARRIED MEN:

RULE 1.  The first rule about Pit Club is you don't talk about Pit Club.

RULE 2.  The second rule about Pit Club is you don't talk about Pit Club.

RULE 3.  Pit Club meets once a month.  More than that and it might draw suspicion.

RULE 4.  This secret group is exclusively for husbands whose spouses are NOT into pit play.

RULE 5.  Club night takes place at the home of our members, not hotels nor at Airbnb's.  (We don't want anyone to leave a credit card paper trail for some divorce attorney to uncover.)

RULE 6.  Membership is always free.  (Again, to avoid trails.)

RULE 7.  Every guy in the club has to currently be married.  He must produce a valid marriage license to enroll.  (Sure, it may seem extreme, but most of our members have lots to loose if they are found out.  Plus, single guys have more options, so they don't need a club like ours.)

RULE 8.  Your "non-pit loving" spouse CANNOT,... we repeat, CANNOT be present to watch!

RULE 9.  Pit Club members can either be gay or straight, as long as they are willing to have other men play with their pits.  They must also be open to playing with the armpits of every man in attendance.

RULE 10.  Cell phones must be silenced and placed in a basket for the duration of the meeting.  ---  Priorities, dude!

RULE 11.  No photos.  (Not even of Rodger, who stopped trimming his underarm hair 5 years ago.)

RULE 12.  Underarm deodorant is NOT allowed.

RULE 13.  Sweaty armpits are never turned away.

RULE 14.  Shaved pits and hairy pits are welcomed equally.

RULE 15.  Chewing gum is not allowed, since pulling bubble gum from armpit hair is extremely time consuming.

RULE 16.  To protect the privacy of our members, each person must adopt an alias for Pit Club.  Everyone shall be referred to by the name of his favorite, Hollywood armpit crush.  (For example: Chris Evans, Henry Cavill or Michael B. Jordan.)  ---  PLEASE NOTE:  the name "Nick Jonas" can no longer be used, seeing as we already have 8 Nick Jonases in our group.

RULE 17.  Shirts come off at 8:00 P.M. and go back on at 9:00 P.M., no exceptions.  (It's not a place for love affairs, just a place to get your armpit needs met.  Besides, everyone has to get back home at a reasonable time.)

RULE 18.  Members must wear pants or jeans, and they must stay on and zipped up at all times during our gatherings.  If you're interested in playing with another guy's "joystick" do it on your own time, or join that type of club.  Remember, we're here just for pits!

RULE 19.  All shapes are welcome, especially "Dad Bods".

RULE 20.  It is the responsibility of all our regular attendees to make new members feel at ease.  A good line to break the ice is "Welcome!  Would you like to do my pit first?"

RULE 21.  All members should encouraged one other to explore each man's inner "Pit Pig" 🐷 or "Pit Romeo" 💓.

RULE 22.  Tickling armpits is allowed,... but B.Y.O.F. (Bring Your Own Feather).

RULE 23.  Everyone gets their underarms tasted at least once by every member present at each meeting.

RULE 24.  No more than 3 men can play together at a time.  (Let's not all hog the hunky, new hot guy.)

RULE 25.  Feel free to invite your married co-workers,... even your boss.  (Perhaps you'll finally get a raise from him,... or at the very least, a rise! 😉 )

RULE 26.  Feel free to also invite your frustrated married friends and family.  However, if you bring your twin brother don't be surprised if the entire group pauses to watch the two of you fulfill Rule #23!

RULE 27.  Sorry guys, no kissing on the mouth, only on the armpits.   (If you're interested in kissing another guy's mouth do it on your own time, or join that type of club.  Again, we are here just for pits!)

RULE 28.  Everyone, especially the host, must stay out of the bedroom for the duration of the meeting.  (We have to draw the line somewhere, guys.)

RULE 29.  Members may keep their wedding rings on, so as not to loose them.  (Also, it's kinda kinky leaving them on for the occasion!)

And finally...

RULE 30.  After each meeting we usually go out to eat at Denny's, so make sure you bring enough cash for food, and to tip the waitstaff.

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Well Pit Pals, did you enjoy reading my weird fantasy?  What did you think of the rules?  Is it a club you'd be interested in joining?

If so, I hope to see you at our next meeting.  ---  "Wait,... what meeting?" you may ask.

That's right,... shhhh!

(Pictures collected for the collages, as well as the gif, clipart and pit pics used for this blog entry were all found online.)

I'd love for us to keep in touch!  So, I invite you to my main online platforms:

Follow my Armpit Lover blog, here on Blogger @Confessions Of An Armpit Lover . ---  Click the follow button on this page to keep up with the latest postings.

Enjoy more armpit entertainment on my Pinterest page @pinterest,com/enriquehenry100 .

You can also connect with me on Facebook @EnriqueHenryArmpitLover or on Twitter @enriquehenry100 .


NOTE: Click on the yellow links to get to each site.

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