Page 156 - New Year's Resolution: "Let's Have a Ball & Show Our Pits!"

Happy New Year, armpit lovers!  With every new year come countless resolutions.  The majority of men vow to get into better shape, most likely to look sexier in their cell phone selfies.  Especially those shirtless pics, you know the kind, the pictures with a dude posing in front of a mirror with one muscled arm raised, revealing his hairy or shaven pit.  (Hey, I'm not criticizing, in fact I hope this year produces a record amount of these mouth-watering pit pics!)

Well, recently I spotted a fun exercise apparatus at Walmart and snapped a photo of its box.  (See image below.)  ---  Performance Balls are also known as Exercise Balls, Fitness Balls, Body Balls, Stay Balls, Stability Balls and Yoga Balls.  ---  Of course, what intrigued me the most was the male model's armpits and the fact that he has to hold the sexy pose and exhibit his underarms while exercising.

It got me to thinking, "Hmmmm, maybe I should open up a small gym in my town, call it THE HEALTHY HALLOW, and only feature workout routines using Performance Balls."  (The gym's name is a wink to underarm fans.)  Naturally, the health club would be for guys only.  I'd be the owner, as well as the head Performance Ball trainer.  Our mission statement and New Year's Resolution for every one of our clients: "Let's have a ball and show our pits!"

Here are a couple of rules I feel are essential to establish with our patrons:

RULE #1

Shirts are constricting, so try to do all your workouts shirtless.  If you must wear a shirt, tank tops and sleeveless tees are the only recommended forms of workout tops at THE HEALTHY HALLOW.

RULE #2

Clients who DO NOT shave their underarms get an extra 25% off their membership fee.  Why?  Not shaving is good for the environment.  It means less disposable blades in landfills or if you use an electrical razor, not shaving saves soooo much electricity.

RULE #3

Don't complain about the warm temperature in the workout area.  Yeah, the air conditioner is purposely set at 85 degrees and not cooler.  Sweat is a beautiful thing,... I mean healthy thing.  It'll help you burn calories.  The weight that you lose through sweating is water weight.  Remember: a sweaty pit is a healthy pit!

RULE #4

Mr. Enrique Henry is the head trainer, so always keep your armpits within his eyesight.  For obvious reasons, of course.  He wants to make sure you're holding your arms in the correct position.  ---  And yes, he is available for private tutoring, especially after hours.

Alright gentlemen, now here are a couple of your classmates to demonstrate proper form and successful workout results.  Stare as long as you want,... you know, for study purposes.

Reeve Alexander

Next, for all you fitness buffs (and Looky-loos) interested in doing some fun homework, I recommend viewing shirtless cutie, Cesar Cipriano and his Stability Ball Workout for Beginners video on YouTube.  ---  Simply press the play button.

Also, check out Scott Herman and his How To: Ball Crunch.

Gustavus Wyche will instruct you how to get Killer Abs with the Stability Ball Workout .

Last, but certainly not least, watch Alex Crockford and his 10 BEST Excercises with a Gym Ball demonstration.

Okay guys, class dismissed.  Now, let's all go hit the showers.  ---  And yes, we all have to shower together,... to conserve water, of course. 😉

(Collage pics, photos of fitness models and videos for this blog entry were all found online.)


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